Monday, December 17, 2012

New portmanteaux for smug writers

Rather than keep adding to my list at the end of Let's talk about crapmanteaux, I decided to make a separate list to be updated whenever the mood takes me, or whenever someone comes up with a suggestion that tickles me. 

The original list
Shortmanteau: a single-syllable portmanteau, such as smog or brunch

Crapmanteau: mompreneur, webinar, etc

Momnivore: a mother who copes with stress by comfort eating

Ad choc: the eating of confectionery on impulse

Jazzturbation: aimless, self-indulgent music

Footmauler: any English defender

Gluicide: an overdose for someone who can’t afford proper drugs

Quartomaton: someone with at least 25% of their body replaced by robotic parts

Piesexual: someone attracted to fuller-figured men or women

Pisexual: someone with slightly more than three partners

Hobknob: an obscene cooking injury

Pornucopia: the internet

Prepostrophe: a preposterously misplaced apostrophe

The latest additions
Neologasm: the (probably unjustified) feeling of satisfaction and pleasure one feels when inventing a new word, even though no-one will ever use it and a dozen other people had probably thought of it before you did

Contrapreneur: an unconventional business innovator

Fauxhito: at 2am, someone decides to make cocktails. Unfortunately, they don't have all the right ingredients. Fauxhitos should not be drunk while sober

Prebauchery: lunchtime drinking when there's a party in the evening

Rebauchery: any party that starts while the guests are still hungover from the last one

Apostroppy: How editors react to prepostrophes (thanks to Sarah Townsend)

Linguapreneur: What I'm being here, according to Cathy Relf, who is one herself.

Fauxmosexuality: That bit in films, usually where a pretty girl kisses another pretty girl at the point where the director realises that something more is needed to get adolescent boys into the cinema.

Thanks to Sarah Rakowski for the unsubtle 'shituation', which fulfils all the criteria since it's immediately understandable.

Blahbarian: Writer of long-winded, graceless prose. Most often found in legal practices, government or near the top of customer service departments. This comes satisfyingly close to the original meaning of 'barbarian', which doesn't mean 'bearded person' (as many people believe) but 'one whose language cannot be understood'. It comes from the Greeks, who thought their northern neighbours were saying 'bah-bah'.

Fauxtography: Credit to Snopes, the website where I first saw this word and the place to go before you make a fool of yourself by sharing "Ohmygod they're going to charge for Facebook!". And of course, that picture is a fake.

Cucumbrance: The feeling of being obstructed or weighed down by salad.

Cucumference: Boasting about the size of your willy.

Flexicography: Changing a dictionary definition.

Fleminism: Women's rights in Belgium.

Classhole: Someone who does pointless acts of spite, but with creativity (

Any new suggestions gratefully received.

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